Unbroken: My Journey with a Mid-Life ADHD Diagnosis

As I sat in the doctor's office waiting for confirmation of my test results, my heart pounded in my chest. I had taken extra time to answer the multitudes of questions honestly. I really thought about the truth of my current life and my life experiences leading up to this day. For, quite possibly, the first time in my life, I had decided to answer the questions from a place of complete transparency without a thought of what people would think. I answered honestly about having to heavily rely on people in my life (mostly my husband) to remind me of details and to complete simple tasks at home. With a shaking hand, I checked the box of "VERY OFTEN" beside the question of how often I am distracted by activity or noise around me. I answered the questions with complete honesty and the results came in...ADHD.

I had known for a long time that something was different about me. Growing up, I was the kid who always "kind of" fit in but didn't. I was always on the periphery. I had masterfully found ways to seem "normal". Smile, keep your mouth shut, wear the same clothes as everyone else, pretend to understand people, pretend to enjoy parties and loud clubs, pretend to enjoy socializing, pretend to be smart, pretend to have it all together, pretend to like the same music. Pretend, pretend, pretend. I had been brilliant at reading the room and sussing out who thought what and what was acceptable and I molded myself according to whatever and whoever was in the room.

I morphed and changed like an amazing chameleon. I was a rainbow of personalities depending on who I was with. Looking back, I was quite adept and I perfected the art of burying my real self in response to whoever I was with at the time.